...And It Was Very Good.

So, today I have been encouraged by my book to read Genesis 1:26 - 2:9.

My First Thought:

"God Looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good." 

verse 31

"Very Good," huh? (rolling my eyes) Whatever....


Second Thought:

I have actually given talks on this passage. I love verse 27:

"God created man in his image;

in the divine image he created him;

male and female he created them"

I have used this frequently in talks I give on "Health and Spirituality" in the context of body image and being created in the "divine image" for a specific calling and purpose. It has always struck me that in this account (the first account) of creation God creates male and female at the same time. With equal footing. Equal love. Equal "divine image."

These days it has been a bit difficult for me to see myself in the "divine image." In all honest I'm not sure what that really means. It's not that I was built perfect....by all means I am not perfect.  Which takes me back to my first thought.... "Very Good," huh? Ugh!

Well there are very good things in my life... My marriage being first and foremost.  I truly feel the graces of the sacrament daily.....well maybe that's the only "Very Good" thing at this time. Everything else falls short just a bit. Not that it awful  but not "very good," just okay. Like my job. I like it and I seem to be doing it well but it's not full time and there are lots of inside issues right now. Our finances are fine it would be less stressful if they were at least "good" if not "very good." The transition from Chicago to DC has been fine. I am having a difficult time making friends. I am having a difficult time walking to a room of strangers for any sort of event. I am having a difficult time finding a church that I can call my community. Things are fine......just not "very good."

I realize that all that I have just spoken about are external and the divine image and "very good" are more of an internal thing. The whole point of the Exercises to to be introspective but quite frankly I don't like being introspective (who does, I guess). I don't like what I see and I am too lazy or set in my ways to make any changes. It's depressing and there is no motivation. Heck, I need motivation to get out of bed every day or I would just stay there and sleep, watch TV, or play games on my iPad. 

So, what would I be like if I were truly the divine image? We'll I guess I would be fit and active and joyful. Have a set of healthy food, nutrition and active habits. But not really habits but desires to do those things. To desire to eat healthy and organic foods (maybe even vegetarian or vegan). To desire to have intimate, joy-filled relationships with friends. I think that desire is key here. To desire to make the choice to do so because I want to not because I have to or it's the right thing to do. 

Where does that desire come from? Where does one gain such desire that there is no other option. I feel like I have no desire for anything. I do what I have to because it is the "right" thing to do or sometimes "just because." I envy people with passion, desire and motivation.  It's not something that I can fake because I feel fake and phony. That stresses me out, eats away at me, and causes me bouts depression. So, the "fake it until you make it" adage doesn't really work for me. I have done that for quite some time, years....a good six plus years....and I think that is why I am at this point. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I desire. I don't know what I like or makes me happy.....boy this is f-ing depressing....*sniff* .......

So, "Very Good?"... "Divine Image?"  Yep, not seeing it right now....