By Your Holy Cross You have Redeemed the World

As I have been attempting to strengthen my relationship with Christ and gain some clarification in my life, I have been working through the book "The Ignatian Adventure" by Kevin O'Brien, SJ. This past week I was challenged to take a look at how God sees me. It's been a bit rough as outside distractions and my own inability to keep focused due to laziness, keep me from really believing what has been revealed to me through scripture. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you I have called you by name; you are mine." (Isaiah 43: 1-7)

Okay, so I've totally heard this before. We sing about it all ordinary time at Mass. Blah, blah, blah.... "you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and I love you." Sounds like a bad romance novel. Blech..... Alright, so I'm not a romantic. The more mushy it is the less I believe it and this is pretty mushy for me. So, I don't really believe it.

This weekend I got to church early for Mass, it's a new church for me as we just moved and haven't found a community yet. So, I sat there fingering my rosary, not really saying it because I was observing my surroundings. Looking at the tabernacle, kinda looks like a little gold barn. The back wall is a burnt orange color, I thought; "That's a random color." Ooh, look at the stations of the cross, they look 3D....a brief memory of saying the stations when I was a teen popped into my mind and then...."by your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world." The teens who I have come in touch with over the years took hold of my thoughts. When describing the stations and praying with them. Reminding them, "By this cross YOU are redeemed."... "You, Sarah, are redeemable." ~ Wait, What the What!

This thought came to mind along with a wave of overwhelming emotion and tears welled up in my eyes. "You, Sarah, are redeemable." Craaap! That wasn't me that was God. I rolled my eyes, as I had as a child when my parents called me out on something. Craap! There is probably something to this. I should probably listen (mumble mumble).

You, Sarah, are Redeemable. "You are precious in my eyes..I love you. Fear not, for I am with you."

So, what do I do with this knowledge God? "Wait. The money will come. The job will come. Wait."

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Wait?!? We don't have time to wait! Bills to pay and things like that.... You know.... Wait?!? How do I explain that to my husband?

"Leave him to me. Just wait."

Fine! That doesn't mean that I have to like it. I'm still going to look on the job boards. I'm still going to have to figure out how to pay that extra bill I was smacked with from our moving transition.

"That's fine..... breathe.... Just wait."

Craaap! Fine, I'll wait. It's true, the money has always come. I haven't always loved the jobs but there has almost always been income. When there wasn't, it was for a very short period of time and it still worked out. Fine!.... I'll wait.....But help me to wait with joy. I'm tired of not liking it. It's effecting my relationships and I really don't like that. Help me to wait with joy.

So, today, I wait.....with joy (sometimes).